Growth: The Past, the Present and the Future

"When did you know you were truly healing?"

I had to think about that for a moment, because the answer wasn't what I would have expected. Not when I finished my first round of therapy. Not when I stopped drinking. Not when I recovered from burnout.

It happened on an ordinary evening.

I was about to go to sleep. I lay quietly on my back, my arms resting beside me, and suddenly I noticed that my body was no longer constantly searching for danger. For the first time, I felt truly at ease. Somewhere along the way, something had quietly changed. I no longer needed to curl up on my left side in the foetal position just to feel safe enough to fall asleep. These days, I often wake up lying like a starfish. Not because my past disappeared... but because I slowly changed.

Personal growth rarely follows a straight line. We often imagine that growing means becoming happier every day, feeling less pain or eventually reaching a point where we're finally "done." As though there's some finish line where everything falls perfectly into place.

My experience has been different. Growth doesn't mean your past disappears. It means your relationship with your past changes.

The Past

Our past shapes us, that isn't weakness. It's simply part of being human. The experiences we have as children often determine how safe we feel, how we see ourselves and how we connect with others. Perhaps you learned that you had to adapt to receive love. Perhaps you learned that your emotions were too much. Perhaps you learned that being strong was the only option.

Those survival strategies were once incredibly valuable. They helped you survive.

But what once protected you can later begin to limit you. Not because there's something wrong with you... but because you've continued living from an old reality.

The Present

The present is the only place where change is possible. Not yesterday. Not tomorrow. Now. And yet, most of us spend much of our lives either replaying yesterday or worrying about tomorrow. It may sound like a cliché, but our body always lives in the present moment. That's why healing, for me, begins not only with understanding, but with feeling.

Can I feel my boundaries? Can I be honest? Can I stay present when sadness, anger or fear arise?

Again and again, I discover that real change doesn't come from improving myself. It comes from daring to meet myself more fully... including the parts I spent years trying not to feel.

The Future

I used to live from a place of control. I wanted to know where I'd be in five years. I wanted certainty. I wanted to know that my relationship would never end. I wanted everything to make sense before taking the next step.

Today, I experience the future very differently. Not as something I have to control... but as something I get to grow into. I don't have to know everything. I simply need the courage to take the next step. Again and again.

A Surprising Insight

During my own healing journey, I discovered something I never expected. The more willing I became to face my past... the freer I became to live in the present. Not because the past changed... but because I changed. I no longer have to deny my history. It will always be a part of me, but it no longer defines me.

Coming Home

Perhaps that is what growth really is. Not becoming someone else, but becoming more and more of who you always were...before fear, adaptation and survival took over.

To me, personal growth doesn't feel like a journey upward. It feels like a journey inward.

A slow coming home.

Not perfect.

Not finished.

But a little freer every day.

Like a starfish.

❤️

Reflection

If you're completely honest with yourself... are you living mainly from your past, from fear of the future, or are you truly present in this moment?